We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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