Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I look excited, but its just a facade.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
