You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
