My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
this hospital has no fireball
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
