does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
