the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
