So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
