just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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