I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
