Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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