That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need moral support for this bender
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
