He told me they were just razor bumps!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
