The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
