My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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