Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You need Xanax blowdarts
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
