i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
