I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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