Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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