these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
