Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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