For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
