You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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