I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
