I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
