I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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