I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
