i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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