You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
