i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
