And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
