I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
