this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Text me some of your sweat
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