It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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