Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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