I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
