guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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