i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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