I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
