I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
