dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
