Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
