absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
