We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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