Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
