Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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