hotel room ftw
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
