I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
