THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
