If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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