It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
