i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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