The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
