i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
