I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
