whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
