I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I FOUND THE LEGS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
